I was a fat kid. A fat teenager. A fat college student. A fat adult. I've been laughed at, moo'd at, oinked at, teased, you name it, I've heard it all. (Really stupid people think fat people are deaf.)
My butt has been too wide for theater seats, and may I take this moment to apologize to the woman who sat next to me when I saw Chicago on Broadway. Putting on a seat belt in an unknown car was always a dicey undertaking...will it latch or will I have to pretend I don't believe in seat belts? When I went out to eat, I always tried to eat less than everyone else. Yeah, pretty sure that fooled EVERYONE. It fooled me because that somehow translated into "I never eat very much". We're not even going to talk about buying clothes. Let me just say that "pretty plus" is so not pretty.
If you drink too much, you're an alcoholic. Smoke too much? Addicted. Pop too many pills or smoke too many joints? Addicted. Eat too much? Just fat. If I smoked crack the way I used to eat, I'd be in rehab, hiking with Lohan.
In November, 2006 I decided it was finally time to shrink. Our trip to Disney World was looming and I was deathly afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone else. Hell, forget afraid, there was no way I would have been able to keep up. So I did it. I counted every single calorie I ate. I worked out. And I made it through Disney World with energy to spare.
I still count every single calorie I eat, I still work out regularly and I don't think I'm being unrealistic when I say I'm going to have to do both for the rest of my life. To date, I've lost 3/4 of a pre-pregnancy Nicole Ritchie. I know I feel better and I'm starting to think that I look better. This weekend I even ran and played soccer with Stella. Ran! I'm almost to the point where I am believing that someday I might NOT physically be fat.
It won't matter. In my head and my heart I will always be a fat girl.
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